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krissy fribby slink [the punkrock pixie princess]
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| moving on |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|11:52 pm] |
"kristina" was the name my parents gave me instead of helena or elizabeth.
"krissy" was what i referred to myself as instead of "kristy," which my mother tried to call me.
"kiki" was what my brother said decided on when his baby-tongue couldn't pronounce "krissy"
"kristopolis" is what i called myself, when i was fifeteen years old & decided to be a pirate.
i can't do the cool link thing that i should probably be able to after six years on livejournal, but my new account is "kristopolis". add me so we can stay friends. chances are, i love you.
peace. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|04:57 pm] |
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today i am eighteen years & seven months old & i'm not sure who i am anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|05:45 pm] |
today has been sunlight, bare feet, flowers, a boy playing a bongo drum, horses with their old wise eyes & big teeth & beautiful legs, climbing in the kissing tree, mud squishing up between toes, & smiles.
sometimes, on days when toby & i careen about campus & play in barns & climb trees & it's sunny & warm & there are birds singing, some days i am really very happy to go to uconn.
it's wonderfully, blessedly, stunningly beautiful outside. our sun-deprived bodies were melting in the air, & toby & i were both practically vibrating with happiness. we ate apples as we walked around the fields. we blew into the noses of horses so they would know us, & watched with abject adoration on our faces as girls exercises polo ponies. we discovered the kissing tree & passed the boy playing bongos [i gave toby a dollar to put in his jar & he said "god bless you girls!]. we went to the co-op & i bought a bathing suit & toby bought flowers. we went past the boys playing the bongo & toby put more money in his jar, & we sat in the sun & took off our shoes & ate stawberry fruit snacks & goldfish crackers. jon asked our names & told us his. his friend was named don, which we thought was funny. jon told us that the people at uconn need a revolution, to be more friendly & happy & have more fun- but not the drinking kind of fun. toby & i were buzzed on sun light. i went to class with no shoes & put a flower in jon's jar. when i was walking home from arjona, an old man with a big beard said "i love those bare feet! that's the way to go!" & i thanked him. now i have a midterm to study for, but i'm too happy to concentrate on anything serious, like cicero's pro caelio speech or different exempla from livy. spring fever? perhaps. but, oh, i'm happy happy happy. |
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| on my eighteenth & a half birthday |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|05:37 pm] |
today i woke up & it was warm outside ["warm" = "thirty-nine degrees fahrenheit" instead of the "seventeen" the temperature has been hovering around]. i walked to the dining hall with toby in only a sweatshirt! i ate some hash & lucky charms for breakfast. then i went to class, taking the very long way & happily skipping over puddles & singing along with my ipod & generally looking like a fool.
after class [contemporary germany] toby & i heated up pizza for lunch & ate it. i did some laundry, took a shower, curled & pinned up my hair, put on hot pink fishnets & garters & went to my next class. my professor poked fun at me for listening to music so loud. i really like her, her name is martina & she is from hamburg. we all spoke in german for an hour about the differences between hauptschule, realschule, & gymnasium & then i went to the no-sweat-fashion-show tryouts. i had to walk up & down the stage & hold a number & smile. will i become the next twiggy, fashion icon of a generation? only time will tell!
after that i wondered around to the comic book store & bought a really slink morpheus candle, a batman chose your own adventure book & a batman comic. i am so excited. i have like, over a hundred pages of reading to do for sci-fi & roman civ combined but i think instead of cicero, i am going to read BATMAN. cos i'm awesome like that. & it's my half-birthday, fools!
so that is my day so far. mostly now i think i will be reading & giggling manically to myself as i decide batman's fate. awesome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2007|09:55 pm] |
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everyone has a story to tell. |
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| music that makes life worth living |
[Jan. 14th, 2007|01:41 am] |
first there was kevin devine & then there was, as ever, the dresden dolls, but i will start in the beginning- but, oh, right now i am so fucking exhausted [& exhilerated! & happy] that i am giving new meaning to the term "running on empty"
so let me say- rew drove us all the way to boston today, to see the onion cellar [the show by amanda palmer] & i don't have words to describe the love, the passion, the work & the feeling that must have went into that production.
amanda was flawless, perfect because of her imperfections & not in spite of them. she's my hero & i hero-worship her, but she makes me believe i can be whatever i want, change the world, be myself. brian gave a beautiful drum solo- the kind where you could see the sweat flicking off of his shoulders & his hair, which was braided back, eventually whipping across his face in a frenzy of motion. it was so raw, & intense, & real.
it was beautiful & i'd like to describe it more, not to mention give justice to the beautiful sloe-eyed singer that is kevin devine but oh! i'm silly with sleepiness. it will have to wait.
but, oh, god, to feel, like that. to love & feel & not be afraid of feeling & loving! beautiful, beautiful. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2007|11:15 pm] |
entering this new year broke, jobless, boyfriendless, directionless. bored & restless. it's gonna be fucking awesome! hey, i've got nothing to lose, right?
no smudged eyeliner & no waist-length pink & punk hair, but i'm still me, my eyes are still blue. i'm finding a new me, a more grown up me, a me that won't break so much or so easily.
[i still have chipped red nail varnish]
i want to go back to school. i feel rested & refreshed & ready to try again. maybe i can make it work this time, for real. everything- or at least something. school work or relationships or myself. something will work. maybe everything.
i'm ready to let it all go.
ready?
set.
go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2006|04:11 pm] |
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merry fucking christmas! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|12:30 am] |
i was cranky last night; it's finally cold like it's supposed to be in december [no more sitting outside in the sun & eating ice cream for tobys & krissys]. we have to bundle up up up to go outside & i feel like a penguin, waddling around campus. i wish it would snow, it would provide visual, i'm not sure what, but then i could see the cold, & besides, snow is so pretty & it's been so long.
i remember one winter? two winters? ago, when it was so so so cold [it must have been when i was sixteen because everything was frozen & cold then, the buses for school wouldn't even start one day]& the housatonic was just ice for what seemed like the longest time- & everything was just white & ice & snow & i was so sick & tired of being cold. & then one day, right in the middle of the river, there was just a tiny, teensy streak of running water in the center of all that ice & i almost cried, i was so happy. just to see that there was life, again, that it was coming back. when it rained i tucked myself into bed & just listened to it, the sounds of the rain, because it was so sweet & it had been so long since i had heard anything but the silent fall of snow.
but now it's the other way- i've heard the rain, the leaves are gone, it's cold, i don't have any boots but i have new gloves & so: snow!
today i actually felt like myself in a pleasant way. i failed an astronomy lab final & i ran to eat lunch & then to another final which ended up being making a monument out of clay. so i had clay dust on my sweatshirt & in my fingernails & in the creases of my palms & it felt like old times. i made holiday cards for political prisoners. i carried the extra clay back to the room & stopped at an art exhibit & got red paint all over my hand touching the piece that directed me to lay hands on it. i felt smudged & creative, having just made a sculpture & cards, carting clay back to the room.
toby & i actually had friends today; we went out to eat with them & they bought us dinner. we all came back to our room & made clay things [a little snowman & a little fat man & a big scary man who is mostly chin who is now inhabiting toby's lederhosen] & i was happy. people! new people! in our room! talking & laughing & having fun! how exciting :)
then we had to go an observing session on the ROOF in the DARK & COLD. there were so many people there...but we were still freezing. sean called when i was on the roof & when i told him where i was & how much we were freezing he walked all the way from towers, to the library, back to the physics building to bring toby & i hot chocolate & doughnuts. for those of you who are not comfortable with the geography of uconn, that is a very, very long walk. he is totally getting sexual favors for that hot chocolate run :p
okay, so this entry is long & rambling & toby has just shut off the lights, so i think it's time for bed :) peace. |
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| all these things i'm not |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|11:08 pm] |
i am not a whore.
i am not your comfort object.
i am not your weekend fling.
i am not an abstract concept.
i am not tits, thighs, or ass.
i am not your one-way ticket to happiness.
i am not high art.
i am not the way to get back at your ex.
i am not your stability.
i am not your good time.
i am not your rebound.
i am not the meaning in your life.
i am not your reason.
i am not your ideal
[are the things i am afraid of becoming]
i am a girl. my name is krissy. i have thoughts, & i have feelings, & i have doubts, & i have fears.
see this? this is me; going in circles again & again & again banging my head against the fucking wall. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|03:09 pm] |
everyone needs to take this quiz, if simply for the deliciously deviant advice it offers you afterwards. & i want to see the results posted, damn it! thank you to herr wunderkind :)
& i am not a sex-crazed maniac. i know i come off that way, sometimes, but c'mon. last night, sean came over. we read comic books. & cuddled. also, he brought me cookies on sunday. this boy is worming his way into my heart. or maybe it's just my stomach ;) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2006|07:53 pm] |
so i'm back here in storrs, again, feeling different & the same, as never, as ever. i have a bruise on my stomach, & a purple finger-print bruises on my arm & shoulder. i passed my driver's test, & i look elated & surprised in my photo. i'm listening to the new kevin devine cd on new speakers in my dorm room that feels too small for even me, now, & toby isn't even here yet. i have so much work to do, but i was so happy because i checked my messages & sean had left one that made me smile. i was so happy to see everyone- all of you, you know you, you know i love you. i'm just- back, here, in this empty room, & i was with everyone, & i'm sleepy, but i'm happy. in spite of everything, because of everything, i'm happy.
...i can't believe i fucking passed my driver's test. |
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| bring me that horizon |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|06:56 pm] |
so, um, yeah, i was so bored this morning that i decided to dress like a pirate & wander around campus. there was lots of honking- let's hope that's cos i'm a sexy pirate wench, rather than thinly veiled death threats of the automotive variety. anyway, i'm excited cos i FOUND things. i found a COMIC/USED BOOK store with amazing cheap books & comics, i almost cried with sheer joy, you have no idea. i found the promotional first edition of the absolute sandman & a really wonderful old falling apart copy of the picture of dorian gray- for five freaking dollars. that is a price even a starving college student can afford! i also found a place to get hair cuts, a subway, a place to rent movies, a flower my boutique, & a tattoo/piercing parlor. i went into the piercing parlor to ask about getting my lobes pierced [twenty five bucks]. there were four pierced/tattooed guys in the store, very friendly chaps. this is what happened:
me: so, do i have to get my ears pierced with a stud?
verkaufer: no, of course not
me: good, cos i don't like studs.
verkaufer: well then you're in the wrong place, because there are four studs right here!
all four guys: laugh
me: laughs i can't believe you just said that...
i also got a ticket for build-a-bear tonight [for free, yay, since i've got a whole ten dollars left of monies] & emina & i are going to a lip-synching contest that is supposed to be fun/nny...
i miss toby, & rew, & everyone. i was sorta lonely last night but it was okay cos i made this big thing for my wall that took like two hours. & i didn't even start on the collage i want to make yet...
oh, & by the way, if you were a laser, you'd be set to stunning ;) |
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| Human Rights |
[Oct. 11th, 2006|04:47 pm] |
"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" -Ernest Gaines
We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks. |
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| i'm an addict for dramatics (i confuse the two for love) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|04:02 pm] |
today is beautiful & brilliant & bright outside
today, my ta showed up to lab without the baseball cap or the beard & his face is beautiful, beautiful
today, i saw my friend evie & ate pumpkin ice cream & slipped a condom into her pocket, just in case ;)
today i wore black & purple striped socks & red argyle shoes & green eyeliner & shiny violent violet nail varnish. it's smudged because i hugged toby before it dried
today i felt like alice-in-wonderland because the wind kept blowing & it felt like it was tugging me & nothing matched & i felt like a vagabond wondering wanderer, the wind pushing & pulling at my skirt
today, i have a research paper to write on the french revolution
i still hurt inside. i used to write darren on my wrist, under my bracelets, a secret mark that i hoped would seep through my skin & into my blood so he could be there, too. he's not there anymore & sometimes i reach out & then remember & i feel so fucking empty. my blood is my own now; & i guess that's the way i wanted it. i made it this way.
i went home this weekend, just for one night, less than twenty-four hours because i worked at a wedding. i needed the money in the worst way. but i went in my room- my bright, sunny room with the hard wood floor & the blue walls [three] & the purple wall [one]& my mom had cleaned it, put everything away, & it was so cold in there. i mean, my room's always cold, because i can't turn the heat on without lighting my bed on fire, but it felt so empty & unlived in. it didn't smell like it usually does- like me, my soap & my hair & my skin. it smelled like the autumn candle i had on the bookshelf. i usually have crayons out, on the floor, half written journal entries lying around, books laid face down & open, half a dozen, like butterflies. mess. i am a mess. i am barely held together by the seams at this point, people.
anyway, it was empty & cold & i threw clothes on the floor & it was better.
on friday, i got my palm read by an old man with an english-looking hat on. he said what, do you want love or don't you? want love or don't you?, his aging fingers on my palm, & i said yes, & until that moment i hadn't been sure if i did, want love, anymore. & then he looked me in the eye & said miss, you need to know what you want to ask. you know what you want, you ask, you'll get it..
so. i guess the question is, what do i want? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|10:32 pm] |
college rocks.
"toby & krissy's room rules!
one no sex!
two respect your roomate!
three respect the beattie
four when in doubt, call beattie ###-###-####
five no eating in sally or enkidu CRUMBS=BAD
six be considerate!
seven underwear must be worn at all times!
eight show your roomate love <3
nine cleanliness is next to godliness
(therefore strive to be filthy)
ten love yourself, your roomate, & beattie" |
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| in another town, they're painting my mood |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|01:47 am] |
it's august twenty-fifth now, which means a number of things.
i've been eighteen for five days. it's tim burton's birthday. it's toby's seventeenth-&-ten-month-birthday. i'm leaving, today. number of hours. it shouldn't mean so much [or maybe it should mean everything] but it does. everything & nothing.
he wrote me a letter, signing it "live your dreams, dangerous angel, and good-bye" which is a beautiful & elegant way to say good-bye. i'm not sorry for anything between us.
i used to be someone, once. i was a fairy tale. i danced all the time. i was so in love. i thought that was all i wanted. but then- then what? all my magic faded? did i grow up in the end, like i swore not to? did i break my promises?
i said a lot of good-byes today, & tried not to cry. it's not good bye, it's see you later. hale standing in the line at the airport, tears streaming down our faces. i am sixteen she is seventeen we are saying goodbye & i'm breaking inside. auf wiedersehen. until we meet again.
the first time toby said goodbye to kinders i went to her house a day later or so & she just looked so small, so fragile & delicate & about to break, her eyes all redrimmed & naked looking, her pain right out there on her face & fingers. i wanted to hold her so tightly, to make sure nothing ever made her feel that way ever, but i knew whatever i said or did didn't matter because it wasn't me she was missing. i was carrying my own pain then but i was more used to it. not that you ever get used to it. i'm carrying my own pain now & i'm not sure it's the kind i'll ever get used to.
o, kristopolis, how melodramtic! you always did have a flair for drama. you don't make gestures, you make grand gestured. you're never satified till you're sparkling.
god damn it, i'm beautiful. i still have my magic. i refuse to give up dancing. i will live my dreams. i'll find them & i'll live them & i'll be a fairy tale again. i'll find my revolution.
tchüs, meine lieblings. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|09:32 pm] |
i'm going to college in twelve hours.
what the fuck! |
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